The baby that I thought I lost.

Dakota looks really good and we were afraid he might have club food but the ultrasound showed that his legs are perfectly fine. I’ll have pictures up as soon as I can get them. last night I felt as if I just realized I was pregnant and I just started balling. My husband held me for a while and talked to me saying he’d had this feeling of complete fear for while, but like my husband is he hides his feelings and won’t let any one know unless he just can’t handle something. It’s really scary to think I’m going to be having a baby soon and that my baby is going to be coming out of me. I’m really considering a c-section just because I’m so terrified. Well any who…everything is going well except my fears, but from what I gather it’s normal.

I’m getting so excited about seeing Dakota again I get to see him on the 22 at ten pm and I just can’t wait. He’s been moving around a lot more recently and it’s really reassuring because it lets me know he’s still ok between the appointments. However I’m starting to feel a little more depressed theses days, wondering if an 18 year old can be a good mother to a baby, wondering if my husband still feels I’m attractive now that I’m gaining weight, and wondering more often if my husband even wants Dakota because he doesn’t seem to walk to talk about him often and has a tenancy to just go quiet when I do. All these things have caused me to be less excited in some ways, when I’m not looking at him or feeling him I just feel so lost. My family is more receptive of the baby now which helps some, my mom helped me with my baby registrys and my grandparents are really getting in to the thought of being great grandparents. It’s really nice to have that support and yet I still feel like I can’t talk to them about my feelings because then my mom will probably just tell me that maybe I shouldn’t have gotten pregnant in the first place.  This all might be just pregnancy hormones that are making me depressed and think these things but I really don’t like it it makes me act so sadly towards the people around me.  Any who I’m just having a bad morning I didn’t sleep well last night and this morning I woke up and my right arm hurts really bad, so blah, but I’m done talking for now so I’ll post more when something actually happens.

Akeema